JiaRoyale

64 Watchers816 Deviations

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Trying to look up by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

Trying to look up

I don't want to live in the moment. The moment is painful. It doesn't matter how positive the moment. The moment is painful. When it isn't the scenario that makes The moment so painful. But rather the puniment in my head that says The moment is painful. A self hatred so strong every Moment is painful. So much fear and hurt to make The moment so painful. I can never be good enough in A moment so painful Things can never truly look up when The moment is painful. So I'm suspicious and paranoid while The moment is painful And I'm skittish of the other shoe to drop because already The moment is painful I can't live in my p

True Love by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

True Love

Love me, Like I am sugar on your tongue, Sweet and overwhelming and simple, Pure. Love me, Like I am rain and sun, Conterdictory and necessasary and needed, Desired and despised and oh so powerful Pure. Love me, Like I am a puzzle piece among many, Fitting into your life, bringing color and joy, And just a bit of confusion and growth, Pure. Love me, Because you want to, because you like me, Innocent and wise, nieve and mature, every bit of me, Pure.

Coming Out Week by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

Coming Out Week

I'm depressed, But I'm happy. I'm out, Where I'm safe. I'm afraid, Where commitment isn't asked, All week, I've been Depressed Spiralling out of control Over memories that are Over transgressions that are Over mistakes that are Meaningless. But all week, I'm riding a glow A "NEW RELATIONSHIP ENERGY" Giggling and amazed Taken aback by how well we click And swiftly undone defenses And today, My name came in In the form of "Facebook Official" And I take it, And savor it, It's flavorful, It's like kissing an angel, It's like watching a pearl drop, Shimmering and perfect, As it falls from people's lips. Even though I'm scared, That

Ode to My Wife's Ex by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

Ode to My Wife's Ex

Why did you leave my wife? I have to ask, I have to know-- How you could have this treasure And throw her away like yesterday’s trash? How could you see her art, And tell her to stop? How could you see her heart, And tell her she was weak? How could you not savor Her nothing less than adoration? How could you not see Her grace and beauty? How could you walk away From something so pure From strength and security and splendor From her never-ending love? I hold her now, For even now--- She cries in the dark, for you, for the “us” That she will never ever let go. She grows healthier every day, Smiles instead of tea

To You, With You by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

To You, With You

I’m staring hard at the cameras Trying to judge if it is snowing or not I want to go home to you, With you Hot cocoa and our kids in the snow Laughter and family and our forbidden love, Smiling because we are home. The insides are warm and sharp, Frozen pictures on a computer screen as I type I want to write a poem to you With you Say I love you a million times plus one And my hands on your skin, Pulling together stitched to me as one. The distance between us is miles upon miles Car drives and months I want to say “I’m here” to you With you Whisper secret valentines in darkness And praise that Higher Power in thanks

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Trying to look up by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

Trying to look up

True Love by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

True Love

Coming Out Week by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

Coming Out Week

Ode to My Wife's Ex by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

Ode to My Wife's Ex

To You, With You by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

To You, With You

Waiting Because I Love You by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

Waiting Because I Love You

I want my belly flat, So that one day, it can be round Taunt and stretched with marks My center of balance moved low Waddling and whining about how I can’t see my swollen ankles. Praying now that I won’t have 9 months of nausea, Before the seed is ever planted. I walk far now, Because I don’t know if I’ll be put on bedrest And I take hot baths now, Because I don’t know what luke warms showers feel like, I save for a pillow to ease sleepless nights And dresses that announce my expectations. Saving now, For their room, their toys, their tiny clothes that they’ll out grow so fast. Before the seed is ev

Second Beginnings by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

Second Beginnings

I hurt, And I don't know if I'm wiser for it, Because right now I'd do it all again. Dress myself in white and make a vow forever And yet Seeing him make youthful decisions And imagining declarations Hurts almost as much I was so young and I thought We were growing together I thought We would never part I thought We were equally strong to temptation Or at least, That I was the weak one for being tempted in the first place. I never thought He'd be the one to fall To fail To screw up .... So seeing your youth isn't exciting. It's terrifying. And I don't know if I'll tie myself to those railroad tracks a second time.

''Election'' Day by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

''Election'' Day

Nope. No. Not at all. I am not okay. Because those who are saying, “I’m doing this to keep my guns” and “Because war is guaranteed” and I’m over here, worried because I’ve been told by many my life is worthless and I ought to be round up and shot and this election is going to force my hand. I am hated for who I am, and I’m not even the minority they are thinking of. How much worse to be Black or to follow Islam. Or to be a descendent from Mexico. I don’t believe in voting out of fear. I believe in facts. But that doesn’t stop a shiver down my spine when I try to see through the

When ''Two Become One'' Becomes Two by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

When ''Two Become One'' Becomes Two

How hard is empathy? I wonder if I give it freely Or if I hoard it to myself, It’s dragon’s gold on a shelf. It’s not been exactly a secret, Yet it feels like I alone keep it, Because I cannot hear the words I need Because healing has not come from this seed, But rather, it’s that lack of empathy, Insistence on their own homeopathy, That the answer is in their own perspective, And that by itself leaves me reflective. I dwell and dwell, A personal hell, Broken, torn Uncertain, I mourn--- It’s not clean and surgical, It’s not organized and clerical, It’s shorn, sawed, bloody, and raw, I t

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Nothing by sense-and-stupidity, literature

Literature

Nothing

When I heard, I was ensnared in my marching band uniform and could not properly collapse until later, half-naked in the bathroom, trying to knot my shoelaces -friends and not-so-friendlys looking on- as grief stuck me straight in the stomach again & again until I cried: on the bleachers, in the dinner line, crouched on the curb, standing before the tree pinned with pictures and white ribbons, my own newly hung ghost untying itself in the wind as I stared at the sillouette, falling to my knees, fists clenching the grass, sure I had lost completely nothing and simultaneously everything.

Trying to look up by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

Trying to look up

Deviation Spotlight

Fevered Dream by JiaRoyale, literature

Literature

Fevered Dream

Make it real. Make it gritty. Make me believe, That this is the truth, That you’ll never leave. Stubble scratch my belly, Kisses on my navel, Moonlight in your eyes, Full of passion, Let me know That this is real, Not some fevered dream, Can’t handle it any more, Flesh to flesh on fire, As the ice freezes to the frame, Crisscross in delicate patterns, Like the veins across your hands, Like the cobwebs, Above our heads as we hide in the abandoned, Live in the forbidden. And you gently wipe the tears from my cheeks, Kiss my forehead, Whisper, what’s wrong? And I love you so much, Can’t let you go, Can’t let

Fevered Dream

JiaRoyale

About JiaRoyale

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Artist // Student // Varied

Dec 6
United States
Deviant for 12 years

Badges

Whiskers: Submitted to the April Fools' Day category

My Bio

Current Residence: Earth, Sol System
Favourite genre of music: Anything but country, it's the twang that throws me
Favourite style of art: Manga
Favourite cartoon character: Splinter
Personal Quote: I have Paradise Lost and Dr. Suesse in my backpack: you sure you want to talk to me?

Favourite Visual Artist

Nathaniel Cerami

Favourite Movies

Star Wars PM, Star Wars NH, Star Wars RoJ, Clerks II,

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

OkGo, Lady Gaga, Metalica, Bach, Chopin, Green Day, most boy bands, and meditaion for drawing or sew

Favourite Books

The "City Of" series, the Ender's Game Series, the Incarnations of Imortality Series

Favourite Writers

Poe, JK Rowling, Piers Anthoney, Orson Scott Card

Favourite Games

Sims 1, 2, 3 for PC

Favourite Gaming Platform

Game Cube, followed by XBox360 and PC

Tools of the Trade

Mechanical Pencil, colored pencil, and a computer to write all the ideas down before I lose them

Other Interests

martial arts, running, gymasitcs, drawing, reading, writing

Posts

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JiaRoyale

Jan 6, 2016

1/5/16 Poetry Dump?

0 min read

"I'm so happy you're feeling creative!" "This is good, keep it up!" It doesn't feel like creativity to me. It's not story, it's not curiosity, the way I normally feel when I'm writing, putting characters into new situations and seeing how they react. It's more desperate than that. It's like a hall of mirrors, and the deeper I get, the more I pour out, the more confusing it all is. It's not becoming clearer with each poem, it's like I'm fighting for breath, it's soul and blood in the form of ink and normally that's catalyzing but tonight it's infuriating. So I keep writing, itching for that release, something, anything to make it better i

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JiaRoyale

Jun 21, 2015

Just some personal insight.

0 min read

People have been asking recently why I would even want children. While this is a switch up from the "So when are you going to have children" that I was initially expecting, I'm trying to pinpoint the why I want children. Because to me, asking me that is like asking why I like cats: I just do. So I'm trying to make a list of reasons why I want children that I actually care about, as opposed to reasons that don't pertain to me (to carry on the family genes, etc.) Reasons I want children: An urge to have children since I was very young. To be more proud and love deeper than I have thought myself capable. To have somebody to teach. T

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JiaRoyale

Mar 3, 2015

Before you unfriend me here

0 min read

Right now, I don't think you're ready to hear my side. I didn't give you my side when this was spiraling out of control, either, because I thought it'd add fuel to the fire, and maybe that's why you are ready to call this whole thing off. This isn't what I wanted, what I hoped for, or what I expected. If you don't want this to be forever, I'm here. Because I don't want this to be forever. I never did. I have reasons for my actions. When you're ready to hear them, when we're ready to start over, I'll be here.